Always
by jisbonislove
Summary: Post S3 Finale - ONESHOT -  Major Character Death but give it a chance. Rated T to be safe... This is my first shared fanfic, so reviews are appreciated.


He could feel her sitting beside him as he lounged in his office staring at the beautiful picture of her on his desk. He could feel her fingers weaving through his hair and her breath on his neck. He could smell her shampoo in the air and hear her contagious laugh spread through the room. As a small tear runs down his cheek he can't help but grin, thinking about the cheeky statement she would make if she were actually there to witness his manly stature slowly fading. He put his heart on his sleeve for her to take, finally. He admitted his undying love for the woman of his dreams, after years of dancing around it. He told her he loved her. Timing is everything in this world, and this has been proven to him. The what if's haunt his brain in a constant cycle, creating a whole new anxiety for the strong man. He knows he has to get ready for the day. Look presentable, although even a blind man could see how distraught he truly is.

He looks at his reflection in the mirror as he puts on his tie. The classic smirk that used to live on his face is no where to be seen, hidden under a frown. Today is the day, the day when he says good-bye to his world. Downing a shot of whiskey, he grabs his keys and heads for the streets to hail a cab.

He imagined it would be difficult to see everyone gathered around frowning and crying but this was beyond his belief. The sadness that was carried through-out the field was overwhelming. The irony of using the phrase, "Not a dry eye in the house" makes him chuckle slightly, but the grin isn't there long enough for anyone to notice. A nod from across the room catches his eye and he spots the little work family that has slowly adopted him in. A handshake here and there as he walks over and greets his loved ones. Not a word is exchanged, just a pat on the back and a small sympathetic smile.

The crowd begins to take their seats, and he takes this as his cue to escort his friends over to their area's as well. As he sits beside his closest friend he reaches for his hanker chief knowing it will be needed shortly.

He couldn't focus on a word being said. At the sound of her name he began to tune out and try and remember the speech he had prepared. A slow song played in the background quietly as the sobs beside him continued. He glanced over at the best friend of the woman he loved and choked up at the sight of her being so distraught. He felt selfish. He had locked himself up, thinking he was the only one hurting but looking around this room made him realize he was one of many.

Hearing his name drew him out of his trance. Everyone turned to look at him and he greeted them all with a small smile and approached the podium at the front of the field. He took a minute just to look over the crowd of familiar faces then he began.

"I've been told repeatedly by people all over the world that I have an amazing way with words, but as mother has told me before, I really struggle to find them when they count. There are no words to sum up the amount of strength, beauty, passion and desire for justice that Kate possessed. There aren't enough adjectives in the dictionary to describe her smile, her laugh, or her eyes. No one could ever explain house extraordinary she is to the world, not even me. Katherine Beckett is not only a friend to you all, she is a mentor, an idol, a hero and so much more. The amount of passion that she carries with her will never be seen in another human being.

Kate saved me when I didn't even know I needed rescuing. My world was everything I ever thought I needed, I was well known through the world, recognized everywhere I went. I was given free things everywhere in exchange for a autograph. I had money and cars and beautiful women crawling all over me. I was set for life.

Then I met Kate, and everything changed. She saw me, she saw what no one else saw. She saw the man I am, the man beneath all the fame and fortune. The family man who's whole world revolves around his daughter. The man who only wants to see a smile on the faces of those around him. She didn't see the playboy that I was made out to be. She didn't take my shit, she dished it right back at me, and challenged my every word."

He sighed and glanced at the stunning photo of her behind him, then looked at the crowd and continued.

"I was fortunate enough to watch Kate work for three years, and she taught me more in those three years than I could've learned in a life time from anyone else. Like the compassion she had for the families she had to deliver news to or the drive she possessed to lock away the criminals who destroyed said families. This made me want to be a better man.

I had never met someone like Kate before, someone so passionate and so devoted to find the man who destroyed her mothers life. Her beauty was already overwhelming, but her colossal heart was what truly blew me away. Some care to just be a nice person, but Kate truly cared and did everything in her power to bring closure to the loved ones of the victims.

I fell in love with her."

He glanced up after this confession to look at the stunned expressions on the faces of his co-workers. His classic grin graced his face as he spoke again.

"She showed me the life I truly wanted. I didn't need the gorgeous women or the money. I didn't want the fame or the popularity. I wanted to show her what happiness is. I wanted to make her smile at every possible moment, and laugh whenever I could. I needed to tell her I loved her every minute of everyday. I needed her.

Katherine Beckett is my friend, my partner, my inspiration, my family and the love of my life. She swept me off my feet and showed me the light in life. She taught me what love truly feels like. She showed me the bad in the world but still managed to bring out the silver lining. She made me the man I am today, the father I am today and the friend I am today."

He turned and grabbed the picture off the display behind him and stared down into it. A tear slowly slid down his face and landing on the photo, as he wiped it away, Esposito and Ryan joined him by the platform, each with a hand his shoulder. He smiled in appreciation of the support his friends were supplying.

"Kate, there are so many things I never got to tell you and so many things I didn't get to show you. I never told you that it wasn't about the books anymore, that I was there for you, and nothing else. I never told you that I would go to any extreme to see your smile or hear your laugh. I never showed you how much I truly cared or how you could make me feel. Even though your gone, to carry on our tradition of awful timing, I will tell you now.

I love you Katherine Beckett. I love everything about you. I love that you can't function at all in the morning without a cup of coffee in your hand. I love that you roll your eyes when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your cherry shampoo for hours after. I love how stubborn you are. I love that all the songs make sense now, Kate. That's what you told me, that I would know I was in love when all the songs make sense, and they do.

I will never forget you Kate, you will forever be in my heart. I love you Kate, Always."

He stroked the picture of her one last time and planted a kiss on the frame and placed it back on the display. Slowly leaving the stage the tears began to fall rapidly and he excused himself to go and walk off the sadness that had vercome him.

Good-bye's were never easy for him, but this one took the cake. He strolled along the paths between the graves of the fallen that surrounded him.

Suddenly, he felt a hand slowly touch his shoulder. He glanced behind him to see Mr. Beckett standing there with a sympathetic look on his face. He smiled back and put his hand out to shake. Mr. Beckett grabbed his hand and pulled him into an emotion hug.

"My daughter never deserved the life she was dealt Castle, she deserved happiness and you brought that to her life. You made her smile more in the past three years than anyone has since her mother died. She loved you Rick, She really did." Mr. Beckett said as he broke the hug and left the graveyard.

As he continued to walk through the field,he began to sing quietly to himself, a song that said it all.

_always say it like you saw something no one else could see_

_there were nights when you burnt so bright i thought that you would blind me_

_i was there when you cried through the night and you let your guard down_

_i was there when you stepped off track and started running around ohhh_

_time flies and wipes away is a regret_

_so young how could we know what we had but now that i know_

_i won't won't forget ohhh_

_i would never give back the love, you gave me_

_i would never undo the past, that made me_

_even when the memories hurt_

_it would only make me feel worse_

_if i were to give back the love, you gave me._

As he approached his car he turned to where the funeral was held and whispered, "Always Kate, Always." and drove away.


End file.
